Ashimedua & Jess by Philip Doyle
Parallel Story #6
Ashimedua Okonkwo & Jess
Nigeria & Ireland
This parallel story was put forward by Herstory and AkiDwA for Movement
Born and raised in Nigeria, Ashimedua Okonkwo followed love to Ireland in 2000 and with minimal resources, set up her own law firm. She also threw herself into community involvement and is a board member on both the National Women’s Council of Ireland and the Louth-Meath Enterprise Training Board where she is proud to be a representative voice for migrants. Jess grew up in Ireland and first moved abroad to find work after graduating at the beginning of the recession. She lived and worked in Australia, the Netherlands, the UK and Denmark before returning to Ireland to train as a solicitor. After years of travelling back and forth to Amsterdam, she rejoined her partner in the Netherlands and started a new chapter in her legal career.
Ashimedua’s story is first. To skip to Jess’s story click here.
Ashimedua’s Story
I grew up in Lagos State, Nigeria. In my family was my father, mother and two brothers and a sister. Some of my defining childhood memories would be attending court with my father and wondering why everyone had to stand when my father walked in and only sat when he sat down. Why did my father always have police around him? My father was a Judge in Nigeria, but as a child I did not understand that. He was just dad to me.
I moved to Ireland in 2000. I moved to Ireland because I followed love. He had a job in Ireland, and I moved over with him. As simple as that. I was immediately in love with Ireland because it was very peaceful, and everything seemed very fresh. We didn’t have the M1 motorway and the only big store near us was in Navan. We had to travel to Navan from Drogheda for a day out in order to go shopping.
My experience of being an immigrant has been very powerful because I am often underestimated, and it has produced great gains because they never see me coming. I started my law firm, Cyril & Co. Solicitors, because I was unable to secure employment when I got here. I sought employment for 5 years and was unable to obtain anything, this was because I was told that I was too qualified etc. (the usual stories they tell us migrants). Because I did not wish to remain unemployed, I set up my own law firm from very minimal resources. I used my son’s computer and a printer that I purchased for €50. I got on the road seeking clients and giving speeches everywhere. It took time to build my clientele, but it came together eventually. I am blessed because my business has grown to the extent that I now provide employment to four other staff and this means that I am helping four other families. I have been a board member at the National Women’s Council of Ireland for two years and found that time amazing. I have also been a board member on the Louth Meath Enterprise Training Board. This is the education board for the schools in Louth and Meath and this was a very humbling experience because I was the only migrant on this board. I joined it to be a representative of the fact that we as migrants have a voice and our voices could not be heard if we were not at the table.
I have experienced obnoxious people and ignorant people here, but I am quickly able to tell them where to get off. This often shocks them because they believe that older Africans are very timid. In general, though, Irish people are friendly and supportive. We are more similar than we think. The older generation of Irish women grew up like we Nigerian women. They had nothing while growing up and they are humbler. Plus, the majority of the missionaries who visited Nigeria were from Ireland and they taught us their culture, so we are similar in many ways. Currently in Ireland there is a lot of integration going on with the children and younger generation. The society is mixed. The Irish love our cultures and want to be more with us especially their girls and our sons. People should get to know each other. There is great craic in just being people instead of defining people by colour. In order to improve integration – people need to meet more people. Speak to more people and make friends. A lot of migrants are afraid to make friends with the locals or sometimes it’s the other way round. Be fearless and challenge things. As they say in social media companies, move fast and break things. Then they will know that we have arrived, and we are here to stay.
In saying that, I long to be home, especially now that I am an older woman. In the past while, I’ve become more African and I am not embarrassed by that. I now dress in a way that you would definitely know that I am African. This is partly because I have American qualifications and people always tend to think that I am an American. My most treasured memories from home are speaking in pidgin English. Everyone understands and there is a certain type of melody attached to speaking it. It sounds like you are singing it and the gestures that go with it are also phenomenal.
What inspires me is powerful women, women who made things happen irrespective of the odds against them. My role models would include Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Hilary Clinton, Michelle Obama, and many other powerful women of colour. I think I may be adding Kamala Harris soon – I’m just waiting to get to know more of her. My personal superpower is my ability to not accept no for an answer. We just have to keep going. No matter what, the show must go on.
You do not have to be a migrant to understand humanity. The majority of my clients are indigenous Irish people, and they have their own issues as well. Everyone has issues, everyone has the same pain and wants the same solutions. We are all people. Period.
Jess’ Story
I grew up in Dublin, in the same area that my parents and most of my grandparents grew up in. We travelled abroad a few times when I was a child, but I never really thought about leaving Dublin when I was growing up or even in university. My parents had lived abroad when they were younger, in Germany, Denmark, the Netherlands and the UK, but had decided to return to Ireland when they were having children. They always instilled a strong sense of Ireland as home in me and my brother.
I first moved abroad in 2009 to Australia. It wasn’t something I’d ever really thought about doing before 2008, but it seemed like my best option when the financial crisis started. I had finished my legal studies in mid-2008 and then started sitting the first exams to become a solicitor. As the financial crisis grew, finding any kind of legal work was challenging and many law firms had hiring freezes, so I thought that the best thing to do was move abroad and try to get some experience until the financial crisis passed. I spent a few months in Melbourne working in different jobs, including at a law firm, and then found out I had been accepted to a public international law master’s programme in the Netherlands, so I returned to Europe.
After my master’s, I spent time working in London and Denmark, waiting for the situation in Ireland to improve, before eventually returning to Ireland when I got a contract with an Irish firm to train to become a solicitor. But I had met my partner during my time in the Netherlands and for most of the first seven years of our relationship, we lived in different countries. After I qualified as a solicitor, we realised we needed to find a place to call home. Ireland did not have the opportunities he needed for his career, and his home country of Denmark had the same problems for me, so the Netherlands was a compromise for us both.
I moved to Australia completely alone. When I think back on it now, it seems bizarre and I’m sure my family and friends thought the same, though everyone was supportive. I had made friends with some Canadians who’d been living in Ireland on an exchange programme the year before and they had moved to Australia a few months earlier, but besides that I knew no-one. I stayed on one of my new friend’s sofas for a week or two until I could find my own place and then launched myself into work.
All of my moves since then were easier, you get the hang of these things over time and by the time I came back to the Netherlands, I understood the system quite well, had a place to live and a job lined up before I even got on the plane.
The Netherlands offered me opportunities that I wouldn’t have had had I not gone there, both personally and professionally. Before the pandemic, living in a place like the Netherlands offered a huge variety of experiences. I live in the Randstad area, so cities like Amsterdam, Rotterdam, The Hague and Utrecht are all in easy reach. There was always something new to try out, whether it was a museum, a restaurant or even going to a ballet or opera. There’s also a rich history and many beautiful places to see, so I have often spent weekends cycling to historic cities or towns. Paris, Brussels and London were also just a few hours away by train, so travelling on weekends was a lot easier. I was also able to buy a house here, which I don’t think would have been possible with the current housing situation in Dublin.
On a professional level, I always wanted to use my background in public international law and there’s no better place to do it. It was the natural next step in my career. The Hague is home to many international organisations, international courts and NGOs and I’ve been fortunate enough to find work in one of these.
Overall, my experience of being a migrant has been positive. I know I’m incredibly privileged to travel as an EU citizen. Fewer doors are closed. I’ve been able to live and visit more or less anywhere I want without worrying too much about whether my visa application would be rejected. I’m conscious that friends and family who have partners from some countries outside the EU need to have an immigration lawyer’s number to hand any time they want them to visit.
Obviously, since the pandemic has begun, living abroad has been a lot more challenging. I’m glad that Ireland has been so cautious in its approach to travel because I know it has kept my family safer than they would be in other places but it is hard not knowing when I will be able to visit my home again. One thing I’ve noticed is that whenever international travel has been mentioned, the discussion has been all about holidays abroad. It feels like this discourse about international travel as some kind of luxury or treat ignores the experience of Irish emigrants and immigrants to Ireland throughout this pandemic. I think every person who leaves their home lives in fear of that phone call to say that a loved one is injured, ill or dying and not being able to make it back in time to say goodbye. That has weighed heavily throughout these travel restrictions.
What has your experience of integration been like?
To be honest, I’m not sure that I really am integrated, although I have tried. I am learning Dutch and I’ve read up about Dutch history and culture but I do still live in a bubble of international friends and colleagues. You can really get by here if you only speak English. Even with our neighbours, we started off trying to speak Dutch to them but soon English became the default because their English is so much better and that creates a certain barrier. You can go to the doctor or hospital and speak only English, buy a house through English, get married through English and study through English. Again, this is my experience because I am from the EU. I know that there is quite a strict integration process for non-EU people here with mandatory language exams and cultural tests, so this is a privileged position.
Working in a Dutch company for several years also helped and certainly exposed me more to Dutch culture but there is still a bit of a feeling of being an outsider. More generally, there is sometimes a sense here that if you and your parents and preferably grandparents weren’t born here, you can’t ever be Dutch. This is reflected in the citizenship laws. Like Ireland, children born in the Netherlands are not entitled to Dutch citizenship automatically if their parents are not Dutch citizens. When my first child is born here later this year, they will be Irish and Danish but not Dutch.
How can we improve the process of inclusion and integration?
I think that balancing both inclusion and integration is really important. Sometimes they can be seen as competing with each other. One of the things that the Netherlands was historically known for was its openness and tolerance of people fleeing persecution from other countries and it has a rich cultural heritage because of that. I think it’s important that individuals and communities can carry on their own traditions and bring new ideas to their new home but instead many countries focus purely on making sure new arrivals ‘fit in’. I think helping people continue to enjoy their community and traditions is especially important for refugees and the many people who immigrate out of necessity rather than choice. Having programmes to help people learn about their new home and adjust are also important and can go hand-in-hand with this. But I think the focus should be on making sure that people feel safe and supported in their new country so they can find a balance between their old life and their new life.
What are your hopes for the future?
On a personal level, I hope to see my family soon when it is safe to travel again. On a broader societal level, I hope that in hindsight this pandemic will show that we are more interlinked than we think and when global crises like this happen, we need to work together. I’m conscious that while much of the world has weathered the same storm in the last year, our resources and abilities to cope with this have been wildly different. This pandemic has shown more than ever that we need to think globally rather than locally and I hope that maybe some good can come from that realisation after so much loss.
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